It's been ten years exactly since my grandpa, Bop, passed away. Talk about something being absolutely surreal. I remember so much about that day so vividly that it seems like it could have just happened a week ago. It still hurts a lot in the same way, too, but differently. Just thinking about it - I am swept back to that tiny sterile hospital room. It was quick. Then there was the whirl of funeral preparations, the relatives crawling out of the woodwork, the trays and trays of deli meat, and then the strangeness of going back to my day-to-day life when something so fundamental in my reality had been irrevocably altered. It was a lot for a thirteen year old to compute.
To say that I think of him every day and miss him would not be an understatement. I treasured him deeply and hope that the choices that I've made with my life would make him proud to call me his grand daughter. He was a wonderful man and I wish that he could have seen me grow up more than he did, but I am very thankful for the time that I did have with him.
Some people say that death is unfair. I don't agree with this statement. Death is completely fair because it doesn't discriminate. Everyone dies. Everyone has the exact same odds of ending up dead at the end of their life. Some argue that the timing of death is unfair. I disagree with this also. After all, who are we to decide when it is fair for someone to die? For some it may seem like it is more appropriate (an elderly person over a child) or perhaps even more deserved (a murderer instead of the murdered) but that doesn't make it any more or less fair. It just makes it easier for our brains to comprehend.
Death is death. It just is what it is. It is as natural as living. I don't necessarily welcome death, but I accept it for what it is. Death is just a way for me to leave this world and be reunited with my Father and my grandfather. My only regret are those that I will leave behind.
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1 comment:
this was very well written. I can sympathize with you. not with death but with abandonment by my Father and my abandonment to my Mother and pretty much her side of the family. I visit and talk to my Father's side but it's awkard. Never knew them as a child. Jeff and I both know them the same amount! so I feel like we are dead. no family, no friends, no love. I am lost in this childless marriage that so far is barren. I feel like we are merely surviving, ready to die today. There's no one here wishing we were alive it seems. Not even any children. so what's the point of this life I live?
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